Friendships are built on trust. Many a confidence is shared between two ‘good’ friends, and once that confidence has been violated, then expect the friendship to be broken. It is difficult, and at times impossible to restore a friendship, and most of the time, it will never be the same. But if you work on trying to get along and fix things it may turn out to be a better situation.
Think about the situation. Why are you fighting? This is an important first step—your apology will seem pointless if you can’t explain what you are apologizing for, and may lead to making the fight worse.
Talk to her/him. Tell them how you feel about what happened. Tell them that you want to be friends again, and point out certain things that you miss about them. If necessary show your emotions by crying or hugging.
Even under the worst of circumstances an honest face to face conversation may be all that is needed to reestablish a bond
Take the initiative. Be open about wanting to fix your friendship. Friends should not play (mind) games with each other. If you truly love this person and want them to stay your friend, be open about your feelings towards them.
Say you are sorry. You have to mean it however; the person will be able to tell if you’re being sincere or not. It’s the best word to use to explain your feelings. Leave it as a message on their answering machine if they have not answered your phone calls.
Even if you consider yourself a victim in the fight, it’s important to apologize. It’s likely that your friend feels the same way, and hearing you say sorry will help let them know it’s not going to hurt their pride if they apologize to you.
Be calm and open to what your friend is saying. Getting defensive will cause your friend to do the same, which will make it hard for the two of you to work things out.
Create an open discussion. When possible, and if the other friend agrees, try to sit down for coffee or something with them and talk things out. Wait at least three days to do this because the person will probably still be upset if earlier. It really depends though on how intense the fight was. When your friend speaks, listen. Be sincere in the things you have to say. Your friend will know if you are being insincere.
Speak quietly and from the heart. Allow them to feel the pain that you feel, and the loneliness you have endured since the break up of the friendship.
Explain how much you value and miss their friendship, and that you would like to speak to them in person.
Crack a Joke. Friends love jokes. Jokes are fun. Life should be fun. Life’s not a whole lot without your good friend there. When the tension starts to ease, and you get details out of the way, lighten the mood. Be careful though. Do not make a joke referring to the fight..ever. This can be seen as offensive and as if you did not take the person seriously.
Step into their shoes. Try to sit back and see another perspective besides your own. This is a situation where one needs to think critically. It’s not simple to try to understand other people. Think about recent events that have gone on in your friend’s life. Try to understand the reason that your relationship got to such a heated level. Part of gaining understanding of another person’s perspective may involve speaking to mutual friends or family members of that person. Be careful though, because a mutual friend can be dangerous to talk to. They may be trying to manipulate the situation for their own benefit, or things that you say may inadvertently get twisted when they get back to the friend you’re fighting with.
Learn from what happened. Never regret it, because in life you learn and grow stronger from mistakes you have made and problems you have gone through.
Show him/her that you are sorry. This goes beyond the conversation that the two of you have. Whether or not they choose to forgive you, show your friend that you did not want to hurt him/her, and that you truly regret whatever you did. Go out of your way to put their needs in front of yours until you feel that things are on the mend.
Gradually repair your friendship. Start talking to them more and more, don’t go for the whole thing at once.
#repairfrienships #love #selfhelp