There were days when I would wake up each morning with a deep sense of dread and feelings of anxiety as I struggled to come to terms that I was gay. In the late 70’s & early 80’s when I was a teenager I could see no future as a gay man because in my world there were no role models, I had honestly never met an openly gay man so I felt alone, scared and isolated. From 15 to 23 I thought of suicide every day. I felt my only way out was death which I would delay each morning due to my love and commitment to my family and friends. For 8 years I kept these feelings to myself, never telling anyone the truth on how I was feeling. Slowly I created lies to distract from the “truth”; I would do everything I could to deflect who I was and how I was feeling away from the truth which over the years caused a lot of disappointment , anger, frustration and hurt to those around me.
Some people have a hard time understanding that “when you are afraid of the consequences of the truth the truth is hard to share.”
I know my actions in the past had nothing to do with anyone else but me. It wasn’t personal or malicious – Underneath the “liar”, was someone who was deeply afraid that the “truth” would destroy his life & separate him from the people he loved the most.
The truth does set us free however there are consequences in telling the truth that sometimes we just aren’t ready for or don’t know how to handle those consequences.
So the next time someone you love lies, instead of passing judgement & getting angry, take a minute to reflect on what they might have been
afraid of in telling the truth so you can meet them with compassion and love.
When fear is met with fear it is fear- when fear is met with love, love always wins. When love is met with fear, love wins again! When love meets love miracles happen!!
In love, Jim